As human beings, the desire for some type of communication with another is encoded in our DNA. From birth, we find that connection with our parents. Toddlers, find that comfort with their parents as well as other kids. "Tweens" want the acceptance from their peers and society, and so on and so forth. We find ourselves wrapped up in the mission of finding someone outside of our family realm to love and support us equally as the family unit does. It also sometimes distracts us from where we need to be in life and what we need to do to accomplish our goals.
As a young girl, I got caught up in the rush of finding "my best friend". It's funny because that one person you feel will be there forever, seems to disappear after a few years. I do have my friends that have been with me since pre-K as well as people from high school, but as I grow older, the term "best friend" is used so loosely including by me. Trust is so easily given to people that give us the slightest indication that they care or want to be there for us. The realization that they are only gaining from your hurt and pain to build themselves up, is the ultimate betrayal that is more common than you think. It's difficult to find people that are really there for you. It is said that it is better to have a few quarters than to have many pennies (or something like that). Basically, the phrase is saying that your life will be more joyful with a few people on your team, than many who are not there for you or only present for personal gain. As I said in the last post, when people show you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. You have to decide what you are willing to accept from a friend. If you feel that their actions are not bad enough to remove them from your life, then that's fine. YOU have to make the ultimate decision. Friendships, just like relationships, have their ups and downs. It will never be perfect, but at the end of the day, if your differences can be put aside to stand strong with one another, then keep that friend. If not, you know what has to be done.
Relationships with a significant other also fall along these guidelines. Yes, I have been a victim of the cheating, lying, lack of effort, as well as abuse. It's more common that believed to be. There are more types of abuse than physical. There's also emotional and sexual. If you find yourself in a situation that you are uncomfortable with: LEAVE. Do not feel that you can change them or that it will get better, because it will take years and help to rid of those patterns. It's a scary thought because you never believed that you would find yourself in that situation. He'll say I love you one minute and transform within the next. I see young girls, and even girls my age, wrapped up in new relationships where it seems to be moving fairly quickly. It seems like the relationship will last an eternity because they look so harmonious and in sync with one another. However, what you see may not be reality. What he tells you may not be reality. Here in lies where trust is easily destroyed and broken. You live your life fearing that the next relationship will be similar to the last. It's hard to have faith.
Red flags are also a big indicator as to how things will turn out. I was in a relationship where a guy was in a long term relationship with someone else, and I had no idea. You would have never known because of all the time we spent together and how platonic the relationship turned out to be. I was happy. Things were stable and finally falling into place. However, when he was caught in the lie, everything seemed to implode quickly. I was hurt, embarrassed, angry, as well as a multitude of other things. I didn't want anything to do with him when the truth was revealed. The only issue was, I couldn't let him go and he knew that. He kept pursuing me. Like an idiot, I took him back. Don't get me wrong, he stepped up his game in how he treated me. Bringing me ice cream without me asking, lunches, movie nights, cute gifts on holidays... things that made me feel comfortable with the decision I had made. These things also blinded from the truth that was blatantly in front of my face. The disrespect began to show, the time spent together began to cease, and the effort seemed to diminish. I was so tired of everything that was happening and begging him to fix it, that I decided to leave. It seemed that he had already left the relationship weeks prior, but nothing was said about it. I'm still struggling daily with the decision I made, but I know that it was the right one. With our break-up, I also lost a friend that I felt was like a sister. Someone I confided in and trusted. It's a part of life to experience it, but it still hurts. I don't regret the relationship and of course, I care for him regardless of the decisions he chose to make concerning our relationship. I am in no way not guilty of anything, because I had my faults. I'm not perfect.
You have to come to point where you realize that you deserve better. Whether the treatment is from a significant other or a friend, you set the standards and toleration for what you expect and want to receive. Don't settle for less and don't force anything. You can't force somebody to be something they are not. Someone is out there that will be your perfect match. Do not put all your attention into finding that person either! The world is so vast and filled with endless opportunities. Wrapping yourself up in someone or a situation will blur your vision and your goals. The biggest lesson I have learned from both my friendships and relationships, is that those that are meant to be in your life, will still be there regardless of the adventures and chances you take or the mistakes you make. I've known two of my closest friends since I was in diapers. When you take a chance and follow your heart, those that are meant to be on your journey will be there. Don't sweat the small stuff, learn from it. It's a struggle I face daily, but I'm doing better day by day. It's amazing the people you meet when you take a chance. Step outside of your comfort zone! If that friend is not a true friend, drop them! If your significant other isn't who you want them to be, don't stay and force it! Being in unhappy relationships will only make you bitter, stressed, and upset. I realize that it's the comfort zone we enjoy, but that comfort zone can easily be the death of your dreams if you're not careful. New chances and new people will add so much more excitement to your life. Like I said in the beginning, it's human nature to want some type of relationship with someone. These are experiences we all share and will eventually go through. The only difference is how we take the experience. Continue to follow your dreams and motivate yourself. Do not let others who are not worthy of your love, loyalty, or friendship destroy you! There are plenty of people in your corner that love and support you regardless of your shortcomings and downfalls. :)
Much love always!
-T.
No comments:
Post a Comment